Reflections on Term 3, 2020

Busy, busy, busy! 

I was fortunate to get called up for an interview early in Week 1 and I found out, several weeks later (due to several mix ups with staffing - even though I foresaw that there would be problems with my qualifications and called ahead to ask all of the questions!) that I was selected for the position of Teacher Librarian! All the study and thinking stopped being a 'one day' and became a reality - I was to start Week 2, Term 4. Initially the role was something I decided to pursue when I had some extra time while working a corporate position as I could get my work completed most days in the office and my take home work load was significantly reduced. I didn't want to squander such an opportunity so undertook further study. When I saw the TL position advertised it came after a few difficult interactions with colleagues that really made me question what I was doing and whether I had made the right decision to return to the Head Teacher role. I mulled over what to do for quite some time - going backwards and forwards until I simply had to make my mind up, inform my supervisor, and write the application. I got to the point where I felt okay to leave the decision in the hands of the universe - put my best foot forward and wait to see what happened. If it was the right door then it would open up and it did. 

After I accepted the position I really had to get serious about what needed to be completed on my faculty Head Teacher 'to do' list in what remained of the term. Many of the items were additions to the faculty and not necessarily things that someone else would like to take on so they came off the list straight away. I had three good terms of 'a poem a day' and writing workshop but I can't mandate things when I am no longer the Head Teacher so they came off the list. I ordered the last few things needed for the faculty - enough A6 notebooks for the incoming Year 12 cohort to complete the Writer's Notebook activity, a little bit more stationery, and some desk top drawers so I could recycle the cardboard shelves I bought years and years ago that became awful dust collectors and a filler of valuable real estate in the staffroom. Everything needed a tidy. My aim was to leave things in a nicer state than I found them and I think I succeeded in this small goal. 

Overall I returned all of the books to the Seminar Room, finished off updates to the Scope and Sequence filed assessment paperwork and faculty paperwork in a folder and popped it on the faculty shelf. I threw out superfluous junk sitting around the place, took lost property to the Front Office, bought a few more packets of biscuits for the faculty cookie jar, and scanned all of my resources (I still have about 10 folders to go but I will get to those a bit later in the term - hopefully I will have them completed by the end of the year). Early in the term I had some posters laminated to decorate my classroom so I spent a few hours putting it all together to leave as a temporal legacy. I put everything away in the Seminar Room and did a quick tidy of the Book Room. The Book Room really needed another 12+ hours but I just didn't have any extra time. It was workable when I left it - everything hanging around was returned to its place. The Book Boxes stared at me sadly during the clean - they will likely sit there indefinitely but there is nothing I can do about that now. That is one thing that is difficult about leaving - half completed projects or grand ideas that I didn't have time to implement.

With a new position in a workplace outside the suburb I live I knew the routines on the home front would have to change. This was nearly the clincher for me. I am 35-minutes further away from my child and not being there to get him ready in the morning and to drop him off is something I have had to grapple with - do I miss these little moments to have more time generally? It of course it seems like a no-brainer but I am still anxious about daycare and not being able to be there immediately if I am needed. If I am honest, though, the times I was needed I still had a class of 30-students so couldn't leave school for 30-45 minutes anyway so I am likely in a better position now with a reduced face to face teaching load. 

So a week and a half into the role I am driving for a lot longer each day - I have to leave around 7am and I get home at about 4.05pm so my partner is doing daycare drop off and I pick baby up in the afternoon. Overall, because I have less managerial responsibility I can get my work done during the work day and I tinker for a little bit in the afternoon and leave at 3.30pm. Even with the travel, though, I am getting to daycare for pick up earlier than I have all year. I have gained some time because I am not required to attend Executive Meetings and I am not preparing for Faculty Meetings or composing Faculty Memos in lieu of Faculty Meetings. I have some space in my work day now to get things completed because I am not part of the hierarchical structure that I once was - I am no longer instructing staff on how to respond to classroom management issues nor am I collecting students who are misbehaving. I don't have to patrol areas of the school. There are so many things that I am no longer responsible for and to be quite honest, it is such a relief. Some people really enjoy these parts of the role or can be indifferent to the process to a point because there are many other parts of the role they enjoy. I found the managerial elements so very wearing. Establishing myself as an 'authority' whose instructions must be followed or else? Well, I can say, it isn't for me, I don't want to expend energy that way. My days of being a big stick are over. 

Having 'extra' time takes a bit of adjustment. Without the pressure of due dates and letting people down the things I want to do—hobbies just don't get done. I almost need to schedule my 'want to do' list like I would do work tasks - is that a bad thing? Do other people need to do this? I am not sure. I just get so distracted and I lose focus and it is only upon reflection that I realise it has been a year since I have picked up a paintbrush, that my watercolours have been sitting for four months, I haven't been for a walk since before the school holidays, I have read only seven books this whole year and I haven't opened my writer's notebook since I don't know when. I know that I have been doing a lot but the realisation that things that fill me with joy are not completed with any regularity is sobering. I do have a few health things to sort and I have to bear a nightmare from my childhood that is lingering in the wings but I need to make some organisational changes to honour the time I have clawed back. It is sometimes a bit tough to start a new gig in Term 4 but what is great is that I am getting used to how everything works and by the time the new year rolls around I am going to be raring to go.